


Prank Calls From Tokyo

by corporal_captain_nincompact



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Bad Jokes, Established Relationship, Hotel Sex, M/M, Plans For The Future, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Slash, Smut, sap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-11 08:08:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15311175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corporal_captain_nincompact/pseuds/corporal_captain_nincompact
Summary: While on leave, practical jokes turn into plans for the future.





	Prank Calls From Tokyo

There's a roll of thunder and rain beats down hard against the window pane. It's a comforting, soothing sound. It reminds them that for once they are inside, dry and warm and protected from the elements. It also serves as a foil to the raucous laugher bellowing from the hotel room. The place is nothing special but it's clean and cozy. For appearances, there are two beds. They've used both, but never at the same time. Right now, they are naked and curled up in the closest one to the window, twisted up in crisp white sheets, drunk off each other’s company. 

"Ok, ok..." Trapper MacIntrye breathes deeply trying to suppress another fit of laugher. They've been laughing so hard; his sides are starting to cramp but he can't stop. "How 'bout we tell em we've been holding rickshaw races in the lobby?"

Hawkeye's eyes light up as he reaches for a pad of paper and pencil from the nightstand. "Yes! That goes to the top of the list...You would win of course being so stacked."

Trapper snorts in order to hide his blush. Hawkeye talking about his body always makes him feel far too self-conscious. "I don't think Henry is going to want to hear the results, Hawk..."

"The devil is in the details my love..." Hawkeye plants a kiss on his freckled shoulder then shouts out, "First prize is a lap dance from General MacArthur's pipe stuffer!"

"I think I'll forgo the prize then. Speaking of MacArthur, I wonder if they bought that bit about us sending pipe cleaners to his table..."

"You'd think it would be pretty obvious that they wouldn't let two knuckleheads like us in the same hotel as Big Mac let alone the same dining room."

"Even still, we're going to give poor Henry an aneurism." 

"Henry knows we torment because we love. Anyway, what else are we to do on such a dark and stormy night?"

"Attend the conference?" There's a beat and they both erupt in laughter. "You're right, you're right... that's not us... I can't believe you told him we flew boxers up the flagpole outside of the American consulate."

"Hey now," Hawkeye argues, "at least I didn't add the part about pulling down our pants down to salute it."

"Too much information for one telegram..."

"We could make it a two-parter!" Trapper grabs the note paper away from Hawkeye and uses it swat at his backside. Hawkeye attempts to dodge it but fails, snickering. "Don't start something you don't intend to finish..."

It takes nothing for Trapper to roll over, catch Hawkeye by the wrists and to pin him down to the bed, "We've both finished plenty for one day." Hawkeye whimpers as Trapper rolls his hips to make a point. He catches Hawkeye's lips with his own and the whining is soon a soft satisfied moan. He lingers there for a moment thinking how he could easily go another round if provoked. He might anyway just because he could. It was always impossible to pace themselves on leave. There was so little time to take advantage of so much. It always felt like they were making up for lost time. That's the real reason why they were lying together in their hotel room making up pretend escapades to regale the camp with. No one would ever believe that Hawkeye Pierce and Trapper John MacIntyre travelled all the way to Tokyo just to lay in bed together but that's exactly what they did. Sure, they walked the Ginza, did a little shopping, ate octopus, drank sake, and they would definitely hit the spa before their journey home, but all they really wanted was what they were doing. 

Noticing Trapper’s mind had started to drift, Hawkeye used the opportunity to break free of MacIntyre's hold and started tickling him just under the arms. 

Trapper kicked and fussed and cursed, all while trying to stifle his laughter. It snapped him out of his daydream and sent him into predatory mode. "I'm gonna get you for that..."

Pierce flashes a devilish grin, "I was counting on it..." Trapper grabs Hawkeye by the shin and pulls him across the bed. He starts tickling behind his knees and Hawkeye is putty in his hands. He's laughing so hard there are tears in his eyes and he can't find his breath. “Uncle, uncle!” he wheezes. Trapper eases the attack and moves his attention up to Hawkeye's thighs. He just gently grazes them with the tips of his fingers. The touch is whisper soft and the contrast to the previous ministrations makes his skin dance creating little goosebumps every which way. Trapper is pleased with the reaction and the huge smile on Hawkeye's face. He runs his hands along Hawkeye's hip bones and up his flank until he's pressed up against his lover. 

Hawkeye's mouth is eagerly awaiting Trapper's. He brings his hands up to Trapper's face and pulls him in close. Just as their lips touch, "Fishing in the koi pond!"

"Excuse me?"

"We tell em we were fly fishing in the koi pond! Which naturally leads to a bottoms optional koi fry on the roof! The hotel wants the army to reimburse them $100 per fish!"

Trapper wants to appear put out by the abrupt end to the intimacy but he's turning red trying to hold back his smile. "You're incorrigible, you know that?" He releases Hawkeye with a kiss on the nose and hands him back the notepad. Hawkeye rolls over and takes to writing down his ideas as Trapper lays there admiring him.  
"That's why you love me," Hawkeye stated very matter of fact. He couldn't wait to call this ‘report’ into Henry. 

"I love lots of things about you..." Trapper admitted, lazily stroking his knuckles up and down Hawkeye's spine. "Your laugh, your dirty mind, that little scar above your lip, the sounds you make when you sleep, your smile, the chaos that follows you everywhere you go, your passion, your talent, your bedside manner, your in-bed manner..."

Hawkeye turned away from his project and was very intently focused on Trapper's gaze. He's smiling as he goes on with his list and it's almost too much for Hawkeye to take. He attempts light mockery, "Since when are you so sentimental?"

"Since I only got a three day pass worth of time to get to be." Trapper shrugs, "I guess you bring it out of me. I'm the best I've ever been when I'm with you."

"C'mere you big lug," Hawkeye summons. MacIntyre obliges and Hawkeye is all over him with lips and hands worshipping the man who had always shown him so much love and acceptance. Hawkeye's kisses are long and luxurious. He's not trying so much to escalate but to savour. Trapper is breathless and Hawkeye grins and allows him a reprieve. 

"I should tell you why I love you more often..." Hawkeye can’t help but feel overwhelmed. They joke and flirt and tease constantly but there are moments when the truth seeps in and it's hard to see straight. This information is wonderful and exhilarating but also heartbreaking. They exist in the here and now. There is no clear future for them, he knows that. He's always known that. But then why does he still hold out hope that there could be? "Did I say something wrong?" Trapper's look of concern makes Hawkeye feel guilty and he apologizes by cuddling up to his neck and skimming the soft skin with butterfly kisses. 

"No." Kiss. "You..." Kiss. "Are..." Kiss. "Perfect."

Trapper's hums his approval, wrapping his arms around Hawkeye and pulling him closer. Doubt doesn't belong here. There's not enough time to waste on it and Hawkeye lets out a giant sigh in order to settle his mind. 

"I know," Trapper replies. And Hawkeye knows that he does. They kiss again, slow and sweet, Trapper's hands on in Hawkeye's cheeks and Hawkeye's hands in Trapper's hair. Trapper uses the momentum to get back on top of his lover. He starts to kiss a trail from his chin down to his navel and then suddenly stops. 

"What? Wait, don't stop!" Hawkeye groans but his eyes catch the absolutely wicked smirk on MacIntyre's lips and he knows this is going to be good. 

"We've been taken hostage by the Yakuza after trying to duck out of paying our flesh palace tab!" 

"And deflowering their leader's daughter!" Hawkeye contributes eagerly not missing a beat. 

"Daughters!" Trapper corrects. 

"Right, there were three of them after all..."

"Right! And, uh oh, now one of them is pregnant!" Trapper exclaims snickering. 

Hawkeye's eyes widened as he giggles, "So quickly?" 

"You're a very potent lover. Tsk, tsk, you really should be more careful." Trapper chastises playfully. 

"You're telling me now? You don't happen to know a doctor that could help out a girl in trouble, do you?"

Trapper rolls his eyes tries to cover his groan by covering his face with his hands. "That's awful." 

"Well you started it!" blames Hawkeye. They're both crowing again, and Hawkeye settles back into Trapper's arms. As they begin to tire from their make believe, Trapper closes his eyes and listens to the rain. Every few minutes he can feel Hawkeye shake a little from laughing to himself. This makes his heart happy. 

"Maybe we should keep the baby," Hawkeye jests. "Ties to the Yakuza might prove useful..."

"That's only if they let you live, of course."

"Wait, that’s not fair! What about you?"

"Oh, well, they sell me on the black market. It’s understandable because I’d fetch such a good price being a pretty blonde and all." Trapper grins and Hawkeye gives him shove. "But I gamble my way to freedom and return to rescue you... or at least what's left of you..."

"My hero. And then what happens?"

"I steal you away from this place, we stow away on a freighter back to the states, we change our identities, find a house with a white picket fence and live happily ever after."

"Just like that?" Hawkeye smiles. 

"Just like that."

"Can we get a dog?"

Trapper grins, "Sure, you can call it Radar."

"Can we live by the ocean?"

"I never pictured us anywhere else."

Those words make Hawkeye freeze, "You've thought about this before?"

"Well," Trapper blushes, "not the Yakuza part, but ya. Haven't you?"

There it is again, that pesky hope tugging at Hawkeye's heartstrings. "Maybe a little." Trapper reaches down and pulls Hawkeye into the tenderest and most lingering of kisses. When it's over they're nose to nose staring longingly at one another. "Maybe a lot."

Hawkeye looks like he's about to break, like his last confession would get him cast out or worse, but Trapper pulls him in for a deeper kiss. "Well then," he resolves taking a firm hold of one of Hawkeye's hands, "what are we going to do about it?"

There's a look of utter disbelief on Hawkeye's face. His eyes go wide and he tries to contain the loud thundering of his rapid heartbeat. "You want to make plans?"

"Ya."

"For the future?"

"No… I thought we'd rework the past first. See if we could save the dinosaurs... of course for the future! Isn't that what people in these situations do when they want to stay together?"

Hawkeye is at a loss. He didn't want to say the words that were about to come out of his mouth, but he wasn't sure he had a choice. Trapper wasn't making sense anymore. "That's usually something unmarried people do, Trap. Heterosexual, unmarried people."

"Hawk," Trapper sits up. He crosses his legs and takes both of Hawkeye's hands in his. "We've gone over this before. My marriage was dead before it even began. Louise is no dummy. She knows I'm a no-good cheat. She knows we only got married because I got her in trouble one stupid drunken night and we only stayed that way because in trying to make it work, we got pregnant again. I love my girls. I do. And there are times when I think maybe I could love her too if I tried a little harder, you know, but I know it's not real because all I have to do is look at you and I completely fucken lose myself in feelings I didn't even know I was capable of. I'll always take care of her and my daughters because I care about them and I owe them that much but I'm not going to return from hell and not be the man I want to be. The world may not be ready for us, Hawk, but I sure as hell am. So what are we going to do about it already?"

There are tears welling in Hawkeye's cobalt eyes. For once in his life, he's speechless. Trapper nudges his forehead gently against his and he nudges back, small smile playing on his lips. A tear falls, and Trapper kisses it off his face and wipes the trail away with his thumb. Hawkeye gives a small hopeless shrug and chokes out what could have been a laugh or a sob. 

"Hey," Trapper comforts in his most soothing voice, "I'm not kidding myself. I know this isn't going to be easy, Hawk, but I choose you. I want you...if you'll have me." 

At that Hawkeye crawls into Trapper's lap and devours his mouth with his own. He wraps his legs and arms so tightly around him it feels like he's clinging to life itself. He wants so badly to be able to summon words but all he can do is touch and taste. He's so impossibly in love and he's never been so scared in his entire life. Trapper's there supporting him, touching him, helping him get as close as possible. He tears away the sheet in between them and they both relish in the return of skin on skin. Their arousals press together, and it sends a jolt of electricity through both of them. Hawkeye throws back his head in a moan that he absolutely refuses to keep quiet which grants Trapper access to his throat. They grind together as MacIntyre's tongue finds the pulse point on Hawkeye's neck. He licks and kisses it and slowly makes his way to nuzzle at his earlobe. Hawkeye reaches his restless fingers in between them to grab a hold of Trapper's pulsating cock. As he does, Trapper bites down on his neck hard. He can already see the welt forming through his lusty gaze. He laps at the bruised skin and Hawkeye whimpers and pushes MacIntyre into another biting kiss. Trapper is rolling his hips and thrusting as best he can into Hawkeye's hand. His heavy breathing makes Hawkeye's member throb with want but what Hawkeye wants even more is to be as close to Trapper as he can get. 

He breaks the kiss and puts his lips to Trapper's earlobe. “John," he whispers his voice filled with urgency, "take me... please... I want... I want to be yours... want to feel you inside me."

MacIntyre doesn't require any convincing. Nodding, he takes a deep breath to steady himself, smiles and plants a few stray kisses on Hawkeye's shoulders. They rearrange their limbs almost frantically, desperate to get back together. Hawkeye lounges on in his back and Trapper has him lift his hips to slide a few pillows underneath. Positioning himself between Hawkeye's legs, he lifts one of them over his shoulder while he tenderly rubs the head of his manhood against Hawkeye's entrance. Hawkeye is licking his lips, squirming desperately, his hand running through this own hair, "Trapper... please..."

Trapper looks concerned, "I haven't warmed you up yet..."

"Please..." Hawkeye insists. 

"I don't want to hurt you."

Hawkeye shakes his head. "You can't... please..."

Trapper spits into his hand and Hawkeye pulls the same hand towards him and spits into it as well. Something about this shameless act makes Trapper ache even more and he nods, taking himself in hand and slowly pushing his way into his lover. Hawkeye keens for him as he digs his nails into his hips. They lock eyes and Hawkeye mouths his permission in a slur of expletives and with that MacIntyre begins rocking his hips gently. He feels Hawkeye rock back into him and this is the go ahead he needs to thrust himself inside more fully. He tries his best to control his rhythm but he’s shaky. He likes the feel of pulling out of Hawkeye slowly and then burying himself back in roughly but he's getting dizzy and he can tell he's not going to last as long as he would like to. 

Beneath him, Hawkeye is writhing and panting. His hand has trailed down to his own erection and is stroking it in time with Trapper's thrusts. One of Trapper's hands slides down from Hawkeye's hip to help him out. Together they stroke and are moaning and swearing. Breathlessly Hawkeye moans that he's almost there but before the words come, he does. His entire body clenches and the contraction of it pulls Trapper along with him. The both ride out their orgasms together. Trapper slowly thrusting, Hawkeye still casually touching himself and running his fingers through the seed on his belly. After the post-coital fog clears, Hawkeye’s leg falls off of Trapper's shoulder and MacIntyre slides out of Hawkeye and collapses next to him on the bed. Everything is quiet except for their ragged breathing and the beating rain. 

Trapper rests his sweaty, curly mop on Hawkeye's shoulder. He's aimlessly drawing something with his fingertips along Hawk's rib cage. "I hope that was a yes and not a very clever way of letting me down." It's meant as a joke, but Hawkeye can hear the underlying doubt. 

He rolls onto his side to face Trapper. "It's a yes." He smiles through heavy eyelids. "It was always a yes… even when there wasn’t a question being asked. I just never let myself believe it was possible to keep this."

"I'm sure as hell going to try," Trapper promises taking his fingers in his own and kissing his palm.

"Me too." 

They brush their lips together to seal the pact but it's interrupted when Hawkeye starts wiggling and chuckling to himself. "Rickshaw races in the lobby... I'm going to call that one in as soon as I can find the strength to stand up."

Trapper is laughing too. "What about making plans?"

Hawkeye stops to think a moment, "Right, how about this? I throw some clothes on..."

"Boooooo!" 

"Hold on, let me finish..." Hawkeye swats at Trapper to quiet him down. "Like I was saying, I put some clothes on. I go down to the lobby to place a call to our darling Henry. While I'm there, I order some room service while you stay here and run us a bath..."

"Mmmm," Trapper agrees, "that sounds incredible..." 

"Good," Hawkeye places a kiss on Trapper's forehead before wobbling out of bed. Trapper misses him already, but he doesn't say anything. He just watches as Hawkeye pulls on some trousers and ties the belt of the black silk robe he'd bought for him around his waist. "And as for future plans, I think maybe... maybe... when the war is over, we can stay with my dad at the cove. You know, just until we can find a place of our own. He's always known I’m a bit of an aberration. I'm sure he'll be so happy to have me back home safe and sound that he won't notice that a handsome captain has followed me home from Korea."

"You think?" 

"It's worth a try." 

"Ya," Trapper smiles, "it sure is."

Hawkeye takes in the sight of his best friend and lover, sprawled out naked and sated before him, beaming at the idea of starting a life with him. It's a moment he wants to hold onto forever. He takes a mental photograph of his tanned lean body, his tousled curls, the curve of his hip, the dimples on his cheeks, the brightness of his eyes. 

Things would be okay because they had to be. And if they weren't, they would face them head on, together. Hawkeye couldn't ask for more than that. He feels the tears well in his eyes again but this time they are happy and certain. 

Trapper reaches out a hand to him and he takes it an amused grin forming.

"What?" Trapper begs wanting in on whatever mischief is cooking up in Hawkeye's head. 

"I want to call the dog Frank."

They both erupt in a fit of delighted laughter. "You're really onto something there... Frank stop drinking out of the toilet. Frank don't pee on the furniture. Frank stop eating the garbage."

"Frank stop humping the mailman's leg!" Hawkeye roars. 

"It's perfect! Consider it done. Now go make your call before I pull you back into bed." 

"Okay, okay... I'm going. Don't forget to run that bath. We're filthy."

"We sure are," Trapper indulges winking back at Hawkeye. 

A blush spreads to his neck as Hawkeye turns away, slides on some slippers and makes his way out the door. On the other side, Hawkeye leans against the frame collecting himself for a moment. He'd need to get a hold of himself if he was going to do his best phone impersonation of an MP and not give himself away. He knew Henry was probably pulling out his hair over their falsified shenanigans. He only wished they could see it. Then Hawkeye thought up another thing he could do while in the lobby. He could reach out to his father. He needed to tell someone how happy he was, and he wanted to get started on making their home plans, even if he was only going to hint at the idea. What a better time to test the waters than the present.

**Author's Note:**

> Admittedly, this one got away from me a little bit. I'd had the idea late one night that all the complaints Henry was receiving from the MPs about Hawkeye and Trapper's lude behaviour on leave was just a front and this fic was born. I hadn't planned on it getting sappy or sexy at all. Oooops! 
> 
> Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please let me know. Looking forward to writing more soon. 
> 
> Abyssinia!


End file.
